La noche oscura del alma

Found this really nice, local coffee shop called The Foundry. It's partly volunteer-run (ran? manned?) and so far the flavors are rather good. Had a bite of a panini from a friend's and have had their frappuccinos; so far delighted. It's a lovely atmosphere with live music (good so far as well) and big, comfy couches (huge plus). Decided to drop in on this hot day and work on some psych (or not...as is evident with my blogging here...).

It's been hard internally, spiritually, not as physically though things will ramp up here this weekend. CrossFit Games Regionals for the South Central area (TX, LA, MS) will welcome a number of athletes and teams, to include mine, and we'll see if we can tough it out for one of the top 3 spots. I noticed a number of top teams were helped with certain individuals who are now only competing as individuals, and not as team members, so I don't know what to expect. We have strong males on our team, but only one of us females can manage a muscle up...that's been the deciding factor in much of the competition. I pray I can eventually do a muscle up soon.

I digress from earlier, saying that "things" have been hard. I've had dips into the low-lows, for various reasons. Summer is upon us and life really hasn't been hard for me at all; I think I've just been spoiled rotten. Perhaps life hasn't been hard enough for me to really be justified in feeling depressed. I need to get over it. I've had to cut communication toward people whom I find are similar to security blankets. That's probably not fair. I don't find much trust in many people at all. I know I should trust God more and have hope. Well, I hope I'm climbing over the hill with more grace. Ah, I should be praying for increased grace; not just expect it.

After the episode where I felt like I was in some psychological/spiritual hole, all of a sudden little things like taking a break with hanging out with university acquaintances and finding comedic moments pop up at me. Either I didn't see them before or they just became available "in time"...or that is divine intervention. Regardless, I thank God for what is and what has come, and what is to come. I only hope (pray) I have a better guard against my emotions in expressing them appropriately, not just carelessly. And I need to remember to offer those trifle sufferings up. St. Therese, gotta help me out here, please.

"Humble"

There's this roommate of mine that causes me to feel a bit awkward, shifting from place to place and then hovers precariously over my head (and no where else!). For instance, I'll be at my bed or at my desk, look up, and THERE SHE IS. Oh my gosh. Seriously. The spider needs to skedaddle. I think I'll call her Charlotte.

After my shower, "imma bout to have me some" chocolate hazelnut butter. Out of this 190 calorie packet, at least the "organic evaporated cane juice" is second on the ingredients list and not first. Yeah, I'm taking a mini-detour on my paleo journey here...

CrossFit and Catholicism

Beginning tomorrow, it will be t-minus 10 days until the commencement of South Central Region's competition qualifiers toward the 2011 CrossFit Games Finals.

Yet another turn on the Road. Quite an exciting one, too. This will be the first time in a long time that I've been in a competitive state that is bigger than the last. It's a great opportunity for me to work toward something other than school, nay, a degree toward an eventual medical career. It's been my dream since I first heard and researched CrossFit to compete in the Games. I don't want to disappoint the team. My coach says I should consider competing as an individual. We'll see. I'd rather focus on this than the activities at school. I'd love to make it a career in and of itself, to compliment the one I'm destined for right now.

CrossFit is pretty much a lifestyle for some folks. I may be included, but I don't want to readily categorize unfairly. I do want to give credit to where it is due, though. The gym ("box" as it's endearingly called in the "Xfit" world) probably makes a big difference. I like the atmosphere there, and it's apparent since I've been with them for over a year (going on two).

This lifestyle is very similar to my Catholic Faith. There are truths which are constantly sought; truths about nutrition, about how we are "made" to operate as healthy human beings, truths about how we should handle our lives, basically. In my Faith, there too are Truths of how we should live our lives, of how we should manage a healthy well being spiritual and physically, and Truths which are constantly being sought (and which are bestowed upon on in various ways, both ordinarily and extra-ordinarily). There is a sense of discipline in both areas, yet a discipline that although seems constrictive to the average eye, is liberating. That's the difficult thing for most people to grasp, unfortunately. CrossFit isn't elitist; neither is Catholicism. Both want the best for the welfare of the community; CrossFit is more physically inclined, and Catholicism is more spiritually inclined. To me, that is an awesome complement! I do thank God for clearly answering that prayer I first asked of Him before I started my first week of CrossFit classes at Body Armor CrossFit: that I should be protected from deeply negative influences and that people there will just accept me as I am. No place is perfect on this earth, in a gym or in a church, but it is definitely providential to find a place on earth in which one can be happy.

I still pray that I will continue to be led into places where, although of narrow paths, will all still guide me toward pleasing the Lord for His sake, ad Christo per Mariam.

That Eric Church is playing on Pandora (Love Your Love the Most, "Carolina").

1 Peter 3:15

Always be prepared
to make a defense
to anyone who calls you
to account for the hope that is in you.

Miss Marple, the Spinster Sleuth says...

"That's...quite perverse...It's not even music!" (The Secret of Chimneys)

I'm a bit afraid of the world.

I don't want any part in the lot of it because I know I can't. And if I attempt to, I fear that I will lose myself. Even if I try to "accept" or "tolerate", how can I if all I get back is "intolerance" or "unacceptance" in return? Because that's the truth, isn't it? Perhaps if "the world" saw this or had any idea that this goes through my head, I wonder if "the world" would even care. Perhaps I am just a statistic; a small probability that a person like me exists and that, based on this statistic, "the world" has little reason to even worry.

The evening is wonderful at the moment. I've opened the window and a warm breeze is coming through. After submitting to ennui, and finding that the internet in the dormitory is working so well, well enough for streaming videos, Masterpiece Theatre so kindly entertains me with an Agatha Christie-inspired movie about the detective, Hercule Poirot. I'm watching "Murder on the Orient Express". Now I want to ride on a luxurious train... Can it be done before I'm 30? Maybe not but that would be a nice trip eventually.

Physics homework needs to be done eventually as well. Before midnight.