Apparently it went to the dogs for a little bit. The first day/week of classes has started for the fall semester and I am pooped. However, if these freebie Tues/Thurs afternoons continue to be as freebie as it was today, then my 3-hr lunch naps are gloriously necessary.
5 classes on a Monday is just....(makes face). I need to really get in my 8 hours of sleep and I don't care if that's average.
I feel compelled to make a bucket list, or "30 things to do before I'm 30". I will include things I have already done because I think those deserve a mention. The following is in no particular order of importance:
Found this really nice, local coffee shop called The Foundry. It's partly volunteer-run (ran? manned?) and so far the flavors are rather good. Had a bite of a panini from a friend's and have had their frappuccinos; so far delighted. It's a lovely atmosphere with live music (good so far as well) and big, comfy couches (huge plus). Decided to drop in on this hot day and work on some psych (or not...as is evident with my blogging here...).
It's been hard internally, spiritually, not as physically though things will ramp up here this weekend. CrossFit Games Regionals for the South Central area (TX, LA, MS) will welcome a number of athletes and teams, to include mine, and we'll see if we can tough it out for one of the top 3 spots. I noticed a number of top teams were helped with certain individuals who are now only competing as individuals, and not as team members, so I don't know what to expect. We have strong males on our team, but only one of us females can manage a muscle up...that's been the deciding factor in much of the competition. I pray I can eventually do a muscle up soon.
I digress from earlier, saying that "things" have been hard. I've had dips into the low-lows, for various reasons. Summer is upon us and life really hasn't been hard for me at all; I think I've just been spoiled rotten. Perhaps life hasn't been hard enough for me to really be justified in feeling depressed. I need to get over it. I've had to cut communication toward people whom I find are similar to security blankets. That's probably not fair. I don't find much trust in many people at all. I know I should trust God more and have hope. Well, I hope I'm climbing over the hill with more grace. Ah, I should be praying for increased grace; not just expect it.
After the episode where I felt like I was in some psychological/spiritual hole, all of a sudden little things like taking a break with hanging out with university acquaintances and finding comedic moments pop up at me. Either I didn't see them before or they just became available "in time"...or that is divine intervention. Regardless, I thank God for what is and what has come, and what is to come. I only hope (pray) I have a better guard against my emotions in expressing them appropriately, not just carelessly. And I need to remember to offer those trifle sufferings up. St. Therese, gotta help me out here, please.
Beginning tomorrow, it will be t-minus 10 days until the commencement of South Central Region's competition qualifiers toward the 2011 CrossFit Games Finals.
Yet another turn on the Road. Quite an exciting one, too. This will be the first time in a long time that I've been in a competitive state that is bigger than the last. It's a great opportunity for me to work toward something other than school, nay, a degree toward an eventual medical career. It's been my dream since I first heard and researched CrossFit to compete in the Games. I don't want to disappoint the team. My coach says I should consider competing as an individual. We'll see. I'd rather focus on this than the activities at school. I'd love to make it a career in and of itself, to compliment the one I'm destined for right now.
CrossFit is pretty much a lifestyle for some folks. I may be included, but I don't want to readily categorize unfairly. I do want to give credit to where it is due, though. The gym ("box" as it's endearingly called in the "Xfit" world) probably makes a big difference. I like the atmosphere there, and it's apparent since I've been with them for over a year (going on two).
This lifestyle is very similar to my Catholic Faith. There are truths which are constantly sought; truths about nutrition, about how we are "made" to operate as healthy human beings, truths about how we should handle our lives, basically. In my Faith, there too are Truths of how we should live our lives, of how we should manage a healthy well being spiritual and physically, and Truths which are constantly being sought (and which are bestowed upon on in various ways, both ordinarily and extra-ordinarily). There is a sense of discipline in both areas, yet a discipline that although seems constrictive to the average eye, is liberating. That's the difficult thing for most people to grasp, unfortunately. CrossFit isn't elitist; neither is Catholicism. Both want the best for the welfare of the community; CrossFit is more physically inclined, and Catholicism is more spiritually inclined. To me, that is an awesome complement! I do thank God for clearly answering that prayer I first asked of Him before I started my first week of CrossFit classes at Body Armor CrossFit: that I should be protected from deeply negative influences and that people there will just accept me as I am. No place is perfect on this earth, in a gym or in a church, but it is definitely providential to find a place on earth in which one can be happy.
I still pray that I will continue to be led into places where, although of narrow paths, will all still guide me toward pleasing the Lord for His sake, ad Christo per Mariam.
That Eric Church is playing on Pandora (Love Your Love the Most, "Carolina").
Always be prepared
to make a defense
to anyone who calls you
to account for the hope that is in you.
The evening is wonderful at the moment. I've opened the window and a warm breeze is coming through. After submitting to ennui, and finding that the internet in the dormitory is working so well, well enough for streaming videos, Masterpiece Theatre so kindly entertains me with an Agatha Christie-inspired movie about the detective, Hercule Poirot. I'm watching "Murder on the Orient Express". Now I want to ride on a luxurious train... Can it be done before I'm 30? Maybe not but that would be a nice trip eventually.
Physics homework needs to be done eventually as well. Before midnight.
I noticed I get along with people when situations involve feats of physical prowess, or something of the like. Conversations ensue. You know, general interests in others all around. Given a situation where psychology in speech or visual examination (i.e. staring at people or shifting one's gaze to or from others) is the key medium of communication, I generally stay silent. I'm thinking that if I met the same people in the first example (e.g. physical environment) during the second (e.g. academic setting), I don't think I'd get on with them in the same way. Just thought that was interesting.
After not having television (with cable) for months on end, I decided to check the tube while doing some laundry. The result: incessant flipping through channels with only a hint of interest in National Geographic (when NetGeo doesn't have something outrageously stupid stated as "probable truth"). Yup. There really is no point, and never has been, to watching TV these days. I think I like my blissful ignorance of what media provides.
Don't do very well with taking care of my blogs, do I? Full of random stuff, little evidence of a theme... well, that is the theme of life so there.
I have taken interest in the subject of emotions and the challenge of controlling them. If I feel some pain, let the face relax. If I am an idiot, refrain from "doh". If I am depressed, remember how lucky I am to be alive and quit acting like a wuss. Simple 'nuff.
As much as I feel like I'm the most typical person that this law applies to, I'm sure everyone has an equal chance of having what can go wrong to indeed go wrong.
Two days ago I tore my hands during a workout, and the next time I showed up at the gym, the prescribed workout called for kettlebells and pullups. I, being the stupid idiot that I am, shut my trap about having already torn my calluses, and only allowed myself to tear them again.
This is not "man-ing up". This is plain idiocy. I needed to shave my calluses or do without chalk and work on grip strength- sweat only contributes an added challenge. Calluses can only go so far before they tear. And I hate the phrase "man up". People, stop saying that! Don't turn me into a radical feminist.
Why, when it seems like life is dandy with myself and those around me, do I meet the most uniquely stubborn individuals I have ever heard of, who almost would agree with everything I am saying, but only disagree because I am saying what is true in my own words? Why do I feel like I am arguing, defending myself, for no reason? I'm probably not even defending myself so much as I am not knowing how to walk away and not let my pride feel a thing.
Well, the last A has been completely earned now. It's all a matter of having the school hum and haw over what my instructors have deemed as acceptable hard work and deserving of a 4.0, give the registar a blessing to put on paper what are like a gold investment to me; I mean, grades are, really, especially when the grad school (full-ride scholarship with guaranteed job security- thank you U.S. Army Officer Corps) of my choice is pretty keen on it.
The holiday is going to fly by. Last Friday already seemed like ages ago. I am taking a break from cleaning out my closet, which as bare as it is compared to most girls, is also stuffed with things I have not really looked at. Do I really need my '86 Canon 32 mil? Oh yes. Keep that. My clothes take up only half of space, and with my recent scrutiny of how I can't wear that pair of jeans anymore, or those shirts have indubitably shrunk after being digested numerous times by the merciless dryer, it will only get smaller. Oh well- shopping! Wheee... I so do not love digging for deals. I don't understand how women can actually enjoy it. I must not be with the right crowds during the few times that I go- or with a crowd, for that matter.
Cleaning, yes, is a comfort. (Cleaning bathrooms in which others make messes, however, does not count).
I must admit that I like keeping myself busy. It keeps me away from the messes of my mind, which inadvertently translates into me holding on to things of the past, some of which may be better left in the past and not exhumed sometime in the present. I am not quite sure why I am big on reminiscing. It doesn't always appear to be healthy. More so when you reminisce on your own. In fact, it's even worse.
I suppose the cleaning of my room symbolizes my trying to move on with stuff. Throwing out the old things and considering the new feels peaceful. I really wish that mentally it'd be that easy.
I really need to do something- get out, relax. Gosh, this is driving me nuts. Four walls is all it takes. I really don't want to start hating my house- and what is worse is that no one else is keeping me here.
So very foreign in thought and belief. Even when amongst those most familiar to me, whether it be blood-relations or not, I cannot tell them what I'm thinking. There's not enough time in a day. And maybe it's not the right time now. Maybe I'll have to wait to tell anyone anything.
That's why I have this blog. Who cares if anyone reads it. I hope this is not public at all- pretty sure I selected that option... anyway. I think I have been pretty sheltered which is in some ways good and other, not so. The latter is usually believed by the masses and has thus caused the results to be frowned upon most of the time. However, I will vouch for the former.
The world is constantly new to me. I think I heard/read somewhere that one should look at life like a child- things, events, the world itself will just be a constant wonder. Then there is the spiritual take on it with "Blessed are the pure of heart..." I don't claim to be that pure; the world's mud certainly gets on you when you're in public, even if you try to dust it off (it just stays on so you ignore it until you can get to a washer). But really, the idea of shutting, or sheltering, myself from what most would be deemed as enjoyable, exciting, hilarious, makes me want to be more optimistic about life. Maybe I feel this way because I haven't delved deep enough into the mud to see how fun it is, but do I really want to go there? (disclaimer: I do not diss real mud- it is actually fun- in the warm rain).
One time I was invited to a gathering of sorts and jokes sprouted, naturally. I only understood maybe 50% of them, with the other 50% being comprehensible through 25% inference and 25% selective listening. At the end of the night, I was mentally exhausted- both from boredom and from discomfort. Discomfort because I didn't really fit in and didn't contribute to the "fun". Boredom, because I really didn't see anything worthwhile and didn't get anything out of it. So I left, having wasted my time.
I remember my last meal whenever I really push myself during a workout. That would seem like I regurgitate the last meal I did put down my throat, but it isn't the case. All I'm saying is that my stomach either feels like it's turning inside-out, it's going to explode, or I'm way too tired throughout the day. With that being said, I'm wanting to try some new recipes. Unfortunately, they take time which I usually devote to hours of studying, commuting, sleeping... Excuses aside, I will record my recipes for my own future purposes. (A couple of class assignments requried me to record everything I ate, precisely, and it's killing me. Just like the peak of a workout...when I just want to quit. That brings up another issue of mine. I feel like a wuss.)
The Most Delicious Salad That Fills Me After One Serving
3 oz grilled chicken breast (season of choice, minus salt. I like cumin a lot these days)
Heaps of Spinach. A full "normal-size" plate isn't even breaking 100 calories.
Light dressing of choice
Crushed almonds (about 5)
I was suprised how small a 3 oz chicken was. Little person, big appetite.
Ran about 6 miles the entire week. Chalk that up against the miles balance.
76 miles to go.
8 weeks left. (corrected week count)
The differential diagnosis for my decline in performance last week and into this week was delayed onset muscle soreness due to over-training. I did increase my workouts to everyday and stopped abruptly on Friday, pretty sore. So sore that controlling my descending steps on the staircase was making my quads cry. At least my hamstrings are okay. I worry about those more. My wrists now hurt. I can barely do a single underhand pull up when I used to knock out at least 5 good ones. Kipping (overhand) pull ups are coming along but only 5 at a time. Different muscles. The left trapezius is significantly smaller than my right, so strength is noticable during overhead presses and I can't get the bar over my head so my triceps can finish off. I made the board in the gym for squats but the girls saw my 190 and easily beat it. Hopefully, I can reclaim a spot. My goal is to improve every 5 lbs.
Back to the books.
3 Oct 09: 40 mins, ?secs ~ 41 mins.
5 RFT (rounds for time):
1 lap - 400 m
30 box jumps
30 wall-ball shots // 14lb for females
=========================
100-Miles: 1 mile
82 miles left.
9 weeks to go.
100-miles tracking so far: (again, not very good at remembering to even run or figuring my distance)
Inbetween 19 Sept and anything prior to 27 Sept: 1 mile (no room for self-forgiveness here)
27 Sept: 1 mile (ran in an indoor track and felt too tired to do anything longer)
Came down with the sickness, but I didn't make too much of an effort to see if I was positive for H1N1...I wasn't feeling very terrible and over the weekend I kept to myself, stocking up on Vit C, hot soups, and sleep. Still coughing up some phlegm, but it's very, very sparse- you'd hardly notice with all the liquids I have been drinking. I even went to CrossFit feeling terrible, thinking that if I stay down longer, I'll only get worse. That's why we get our older post-op patients up and going the day after surgery because they're prone to pnuemonia with lengthy bedrest. (Not implying that I'm that old, but I'm not getting any younger either.)
So anyway,
83 miles to go
~10 more weeks left.
I'd need to average 8.3 miles/week to make my deadline. Roughly 2 miles a weekday. Eh.
I don't like the shallow atmosphere I seem to be wading through as I walk amongst the brick buildings of my campus. People seem so detached from strangers and too attached to their little cliques. You look at someone and give a small smile and they either ignore you, look through you, or think you're an idiot (or something else). Uh, hello. Civility? Or are you just so insecure and anti-social, just as they taught you in school? I'm sorry, I"m not from around here. But I am an idiot anyway.
Yes, I fume. And yes, I don't care anything worth crap right now because my mental faculties need to be more preoccupied with studies and not blogging.
Oh, in other less pessimitic things... I am working on my E-5 "packet". Hopefully I shall be pinned this year but more likely early next, since the Paperwork isn't complete (not surprising, especially when my weapons qualification form seemed to never exist! And we Need that. But I was just a private then, and we're expendable pieces of shit apparently.)
So I started CF the first week of classes. And, after careful calorie restriction (or repeated attempts at doing so) and a bi-weekly ab-sore, I've gone down 2 lbs. Which does not sound as significant as going down 2% in body fat (still having trouble figuring out my BF% with the Tanita scale I'm using- Athlete or Adult mode? I don't consider myself one or the either, just both). In Adult-mode, I am progressively getting higher in BF%. In Athlete-mode, it's the opposite, so one may assume that I should be putting myself under the Athlete mode, but that doesn't mean that it is still accurately assessing my BF! I am trying to find a place that does skin-caliper testing but that also requires consistency in the test administrator and time- which I don't have.
Anyway, my CF experience is going good so far. I am mostly worried about just going through the exercise and feeling good about myself at the end, not so much putting myself through torture. It's about feeling motivated and pushing yourself, not pushing yourself because you feel like a piece of crap (Army PT, in my experience). Hopefully, I will continue on my path of good health...even though I crave a small bit of cookie right now- despite the full stomach. And studies aren't helping to distract my mind one bit!
---
As for my 100 miles, gosh dang I forgot to record the mileage thus far. Let's see... roughly I don't know since I'm not always on a track and my runs were very much inconsistently scheduled. Therefore, I'm going to underestimate. Severely. Due to my lack of consistency.
Augt 23-29: 1 mile
Aug 30-Sept 5: 1 mile
Sept 6-12: 2 miles
(Told you I was going to underestimate.)
Sept 13-19: 3 miles
7-ish miles thus far. Gosh, that's way too unforgiving.
85 Miles to go.
12 more weeks remaining.
It is 35 past midnight and once again the insomia bug has bitten. So has the reminisence bug and the blogging bug apparently because this is post #4 of the night.
Reading back on my past posts, I am disappointed that I didn't add a Cultural Immersion, Part 2. The pics post was okay, though I didn't blog as much as I should have. There really was a lot to take in at NZ, but I didn't want to sit at a PC too often either. Whatever. I will try harder and do better on the next trip, whenever that'll be.
It seems that I have abandoned my other blog, The Miniscule Entity. I've done this in the past before and I shouldn't keep doing that. Seems rather juvenile to say "We'll see how long this one lasts...". However, the tone does change, as life and priorities change, so perhaps the diversion of attention to this blog is appropriate. Does this mean TME will go to the dogs? I don't know and I'm not worried.
Okay, this is offically the 100 Miles Post!
Start: 13 August 2009
End: 11 December 2009. This is the end of a 18 c.h. semester and 7 classes. I think 100 miles in 4 months sounds reasonable with the kind of schedule loomin' ahead.
I did 8 miles last week and I am not going to throw those away.
92 miles to go.
