I noticed I get along with people when situations involve feats of physical prowess, or something of the like. Conversations ensue. You know, general interests in others all around. Given a situation where psychology in speech or visual examination (i.e. staring at people or shifting one's gaze to or from others) is the key medium of communication, I generally stay silent. I'm thinking that if I met the same people in the first example (e.g. physical environment) during the second (e.g. academic setting), I don't think I'd get on with them in the same way. Just thought that was interesting.

After not having television (with cable) for months on end, I decided to check the tube while doing some laundry. The result: incessant flipping through channels with only a hint of interest in National Geographic (when NetGeo doesn't have something outrageously stupid stated as "probable truth"). Yup. There really is no point, and never has been, to watching TV these days. I think I like my blissful ignorance of what media provides.

Blowing dust from the surfaces

Well, here I am again.

It's been ages since I last set foot within these walls of the boundary-lacking blogosphere. Well, actually, less than a year- though it feels longer. Currently Summer 2011. I am sitting here with coffee, I have no classes to attend (but still doing the school thing throughout the conventionally known non-academic season for others, who are not me- we got three freebie days from Physics), and with a slight bit of ennui, decided to check up on the mental musings of my past. I can still see things as early as 2006...which is kind of neat because I do laugh at the stuff I've written, some lame and some pretty cheeky, and it doesn't actually bring about any sadness that may come with reminiscing. I think a little update would be nice. A little then-and-now, so to speak.

Still "CrossFitting". Since August 2009, I've made considerable improvements. After referencing this post and this post:

Shoulder press: TBD

Back squat: 275 lbs

Deadlift: +250 lbs

Clean: 165 lbs

2-mile: haven't checked but running still sucks.

Calluses torn: lost count

Weight: really haven't checked

Ok, so I'm not very good at keeping these records organized but they're researchable to some extent. Hey, it's summer, and while I'm still a student, I don't want to think right now.

On the academic side, I am a double major towards baccalaureate degrees in Athletic Training and Rehabilitative Science. Not exactly pre-med degrees or degree tracks but some say I should highly consider it. At this point in life, I'd like to finally be free of traditional schooling and head into the "Real World"; join the work force and whatnot. Make a difference, really. I'll consider those food chemistry, kinesiology, and orthopedic surgery endeavors later on. Still, it's such a irritating waiting game. People my age these days (I think) have gone on to bigger and better things; earned their graduate degrees, dabbing into the professional world, having families, living life... I sometimes think I'm too old for where I am and that I am missing out on the experiences I could gather now for the future. It's like I'm re-living my early 20's...granted I only turned 25 not too long ago, but I ain't getting any younger! I'm such a lost, little soul. Must refocus.

On the health side, the CrossFit deal has been helping, as is manifested in strength gains. As with physical appearance, I still agnoize over what flubber I have left over. It shouldn't be a matter of aesthetics...but it is! Ugh. Lord, please increase my level of humility; help me to overcome this wasteful vanity. Actually, I think everyday increases my humility levels...probably should be careful for what I pray for but what can't hurt me can only make me stronger right?

Alright. By now I'm only falling into pits of rubbish thinking. With all this effort on writing a blog I should be diverting it into the prolific works of finishing social psychology assignments. Yes. Onward to productivity.

Objective: More calm. Less spaz.

Don't do very well with taking care of my blogs, do I? Full of random stuff, little evidence of a theme... well, that is the theme of life so there.

I have taken interest in the subject of emotions and the challenge of controlling them. If I feel some pain, let the face relax. If I am an idiot, refrain from "doh". If I am depressed, remember how lucky I am to be alive and quit acting like a wuss. Simple 'nuff.

CFT 23 Dec 2009

CrossFit Total: 1 max rep each, then total all weights (lbs) for your score.

Shoulder/Overhead Press: 90
Back Squat: 200
Deadlift: 200
CFT: 490 (Advanced)

Whoo! If I can break 500, I think I have a shot at Elite, but I don't think I could deserve that if I can't even do a proper set of pull-ups, dips, and muscle-ups. Work in progress.

CF: The Board and other records

As of today,

Squats- 190 lbs
Overhead/Shoulder Press- 115 lbs
Clean- 115 lbs

2-mile run: 15:20 (7:40 mile)

Weight: 131 lbs
BF%: ~24%. Hm, that doesn't sound right. I used Athlete mode with the Tanita scale at the gym. This number would put me at about 31 lbs body fat, with only 100 lbs lean body mass. 18% BF for a female would find me at 118. To get there, I'd need to lose about 13 lbs, so roughly 10 lbs realistically. Can I do it in one month? It would take 2.5 lbs lost per week. According to the generally accepted 3500 calories per pound of body mass, I'd need to have a deficit of 8750 a week. Apparently, I need about 1500 calories to keep me alive, and I need to figure out how much more I need to function efficiently with HIT exercises. Still- whew. I certainly know starving won't do the trick so that is out of the question, but despite 3x week HIT workouts, I manage to maintain my 131. Ugh.

Calluses torn: at least 15.

Well, been going at it for 4 months now. It feels like forever, but at the same time, everytime I have to stop and catch my breath during a workout, it reminds me that I'm still a little green with high-intensity training. Looking forward to losing weight, efficient pull-ups, and finally muscle ups.

In other news, I do like how I lose my appetite after a workout. I don't like thinking about food during random hours in the day. I just like to enjoy it without feeling stuffed. However, that means that I will get voraciously (bored) hungry when I don't do anything. I feel it. It's like my body will just turn into goo as soon as I don't move. Yeck.

What can go wrong will go wrong.

As much as I feel like I'm the most typical person that this law applies to, I'm sure everyone has an equal chance of having what can go wrong to indeed go wrong.

Two days ago I tore my hands during a workout, and the next time I showed up at the gym, the prescribed workout called for kettlebells and pullups. I, being the stupid idiot that I am, shut my trap about having already torn my calluses, and only allowed myself to tear them again.

This is not "man-ing up". This is plain idiocy. I needed to shave my calluses or do without chalk and work on grip strength- sweat only contributes an added challenge. Calluses can only go so far before they tear. And I hate the phrase "man up". People, stop saying that! Don't turn me into a radical feminist.

Why, when it seems like life is dandy with myself and those around me, do I meet the most uniquely stubborn individuals I have ever heard of, who almost would agree with everything I am saying, but only disagree because I am saying what is true in my own words? Why do I feel like I am arguing, defending myself, for no reason? I'm probably not even defending myself so much as I am not knowing how to walk away and not let my pride feel a thing.

Cleaning cobwebs

Well, the last A has been completely earned now. It's all a matter of having the school hum and haw over what my instructors have deemed as acceptable hard work and deserving of a 4.0, give the registar a blessing to put on paper what are like a gold investment to me; I mean, grades are, really, especially when the grad school (full-ride scholarship with guaranteed job security- thank you U.S. Army Officer Corps) of my choice is pretty keen on it.

The holiday is going to fly by. Last Friday already seemed like ages ago. I am taking a break from cleaning out my closet, which as bare as it is compared to most girls, is also stuffed with things I have not really looked at. Do I really need my '86 Canon 32 mil? Oh yes. Keep that. My clothes take up only half of space, and with my recent scrutiny of how I can't wear that pair of jeans anymore, or those shirts have indubitably shrunk after being digested numerous times by the merciless dryer, it will only get smaller. Oh well- shopping! Wheee... I so do not love digging for deals. I don't understand how women can actually enjoy it. I must not be with the right crowds during the few times that I go- or with a crowd, for that matter.

Cleaning, yes, is a comfort. (Cleaning bathrooms in which others make messes, however, does not count).

I must admit that I like keeping myself busy. It keeps me away from the messes of my mind, which inadvertently translates into me holding on to things of the past, some of which may be better left in the past and not exhumed sometime in the present. I am not quite sure why I am big on reminiscing. It doesn't always appear to be healthy. More so when you reminisce on your own. In fact, it's even worse.

I suppose the cleaning of my room symbolizes my trying to move on with stuff. Throwing out the old things and considering the new feels peaceful. I really wish that mentally it'd be that easy.

I really need to do something- get out, relax. Gosh, this is driving me nuts. Four walls is all it takes. I really don't want to start hating my house- and what is worse is that no one else is keeping me here.

Aliens

So very foreign in thought and belief. Even when amongst those most familiar to me, whether it be blood-relations or not, I cannot tell them what I'm thinking. There's not enough time in a day. And maybe it's not the right time now. Maybe I'll have to wait to tell anyone anything.


That's why I have this blog. Who cares if anyone reads it. I hope this is not public at all- pretty sure I selected that option... anyway. I think I have been pretty sheltered which is in some ways good and other, not so. The latter is usually believed by the masses and has thus caused the results to be frowned upon most of the time. However, I will vouch for the former.


The world is constantly new to me. I think I heard/read somewhere that one should look at life like a child- things, events, the world itself will just be a constant wonder. Then there is the spiritual take on it with "Blessed are the pure of heart..." I don't claim to be that pure; the world's mud certainly gets on you when you're in public, even if you try to dust it off (it just stays on so you ignore it until you can get to a washer). But really, the idea of shutting, or sheltering, myself from what most would be deemed as enjoyable, exciting, hilarious, makes me want to be more optimistic about life. Maybe I feel this way because I haven't delved deep enough into the mud to see how fun it is, but do I really want to go there? (disclaimer: I do not diss real mud- it is actually fun- in the warm rain).


One time I was invited to a gathering of sorts and jokes sprouted, naturally. I only understood maybe 50% of them, with the other 50% being comprehensible through 25% inference and 25% selective listening. At the end of the night, I was mentally exhausted- both from boredom and from discomfort. Discomfort because I didn't really fit in and didn't contribute to the "fun". Boredom, because I really didn't see anything worthwhile and didn't get anything out of it. So I left, having wasted my time.

You are what you eat.

I remember my last meal whenever I really push myself during a workout. That would seem like I regurgitate the last meal I did put down my throat, but it isn't the case. All I'm saying is that my stomach either feels like it's turning inside-out, it's going to explode, or I'm way too tired throughout the day. With that being said, I'm wanting to try some new recipes. Unfortunately, they take time which I usually devote to hours of studying, commuting, sleeping... Excuses aside, I will record my recipes for my own future purposes. (A couple of class assignments requried me to record everything I ate, precisely, and it's killing me. Just like the peak of a workout...when I just want to quit. That brings up another issue of mine. I feel like a wuss.)


The Most Delicious Salad That Fills Me After One Serving

3 oz grilled chicken breast (season of choice, minus salt. I like cumin a lot these days)
Heaps of Spinach. A full "normal-size" plate isn't even breaking 100 calories.
Light dressing of choice
Crushed almonds (about 5)


I was suprised how small a 3 oz chicken was. Little person, big appetite.

Ran about 6 miles the entire week. Chalk that up against the miles balance.

76 miles to go.
8 weeks left. (corrected week count)

The differential diagnosis for my decline in performance last week and into this week was delayed onset muscle soreness due to over-training. I did increase my workouts to everyday and stopped abruptly on Friday, pretty sore. So sore that controlling my descending steps on the staircase was making my quads cry. At least my hamstrings are okay. I worry about those more. My wrists now hurt. I can barely do a single underhand pull up when I used to knock out at least 5 good ones. Kipping (overhand) pull ups are coming along but only 5 at a time. Different muscles. The left trapezius is significantly smaller than my right, so strength is noticable during overhead presses and I can't get the bar over my head so my triceps can finish off. I made the board in the gym for squats but the girls saw my 190 and easily beat it. Hopefully, I can reclaim a spot. My goal is to improve every 5 lbs.

Back to the books.

CF + 100 mi.

3 Oct 09: 40 mins, ?secs ~ 41 mins.
5 RFT (rounds for time):
1 lap - 400 m
30 box jumps
30 wall-ball shots // 14lb for females
=========================

100-Miles: 1 mile
82 miles left.
9 weeks to go.

100mi. Tracking so far :: 28 Sept

100-miles tracking so far: (again, not very good at remembering to even run or figuring my distance)

Inbetween 19 Sept and anything prior to 27 Sept: 1 mile (no room for self-forgiveness here)
27 Sept: 1 mile (ran in an indoor track and felt too tired to do anything longer)

Came down with the sickness, but I didn't make too much of an effort to see if I was positive for H1N1...I wasn't feeling very terrible and over the weekend I kept to myself, stocking up on Vit C, hot soups, and sleep. Still coughing up some phlegm, but it's very, very sparse- you'd hardly notice with all the liquids I have been drinking. I even went to CrossFit feeling terrible, thinking that if I stay down longer, I'll only get worse. That's why we get our older post-op patients up and going the day after surgery because they're prone to pnuemonia with lengthy bedrest. (Not implying that I'm that old, but I'm not getting any younger either.)

So anyway,
83 miles to go
~10 more weeks left.
I'd need to average 8.3 miles/week to make my deadline. Roughly 2 miles a weekday. Eh.

Back to School Life, thus far

I don't like the shallow atmosphere I seem to be wading through as I walk amongst the brick buildings of my campus. People seem so detached from strangers and too attached to their little cliques. You look at someone and give a small smile and they either ignore you, look through you, or think you're an idiot (or something else). Uh, hello. Civility? Or are you just so insecure and anti-social, just as they taught you in school? I'm sorry, I"m not from around here. But I am an idiot anyway.

Yes, I fume. And yes, I don't care anything worth crap right now because my mental faculties need to be more preoccupied with studies and not blogging.


Oh, in other less pessimitic things... I am working on my E-5 "packet". Hopefully I shall be pinned this year but more likely early next, since the Paperwork isn't complete (not surprising, especially when my weapons qualification form seemed to never exist! And we Need that. But I was just a private then, and we're expendable pieces of shit apparently.)

CrossFit

So I started CF the first week of classes. And, after careful calorie restriction (or repeated attempts at doing so) and a bi-weekly ab-sore, I've gone down 2 lbs. Which does not sound as significant as going down 2% in body fat (still having trouble figuring out my BF% with the Tanita scale I'm using- Athlete or Adult mode? I don't consider myself one or the either, just both). In Adult-mode, I am progressively getting higher in BF%. In Athlete-mode, it's the opposite, so one may assume that I should be putting myself under the Athlete mode, but that doesn't mean that it is still accurately assessing my BF! I am trying to find a place that does skin-caliper testing but that also requires consistency in the test administrator and time- which I don't have.

Anyway, my CF experience is going good so far. I am mostly worried about just going through the exercise and feeling good about myself at the end, not so much putting myself through torture. It's about feeling motivated and pushing yourself, not pushing yourself because you feel like a piece of crap (Army PT, in my experience). Hopefully, I will continue on my path of good health...even though I crave a small bit of cookie right now- despite the full stomach. And studies aren't helping to distract my mind one bit!

---

As for my 100 miles, gosh dang I forgot to record the mileage thus far. Let's see... roughly I don't know since I'm not always on a track and my runs were very much inconsistently scheduled. Therefore, I'm going to underestimate. Severely. Due to my lack of consistency.

Augt 23-29: 1 mile
Aug 30-Sept 5: 1 mile
Sept 6-12: 2 miles
(Told you I was going to underestimate.)
Sept 13-19: 3 miles

7-ish miles thus far. Gosh, that's way too unforgiving.

85 Miles to go.
12 more weeks remaining.

Bitten, thrice

It is 35 past midnight and once again the insomia bug has bitten. So has the reminisence bug and the blogging bug apparently because this is post #4 of the night.

Reading back on my past posts, I am disappointed that I didn't add a Cultural Immersion, Part 2. The pics post was okay, though I didn't blog as much as I should have. There really was a lot to take in at NZ, but I didn't want to sit at a PC too often either. Whatever. I will try harder and do better on the next trip, whenever that'll be.

It seems that I have abandoned my other blog, The Miniscule Entity. I've done this in the past before and I shouldn't keep doing that. Seems rather juvenile to say "We'll see how long this one lasts...". However, the tone does change, as life and priorities change, so perhaps the diversion of attention to this blog is appropriate. Does this mean TME will go to the dogs? I don't know and I'm not worried.

100 Miles

Okay, this is offically the 100 Miles Post!

Start: 13 August 2009

End: 11 December 2009. This is the end of a 18 c.h. semester and 7 classes. I think 100 miles in 4 months sounds reasonable with the kind of schedule loomin' ahead.

I did 8 miles last week and I am not going to throw those away.

92 miles to go.

New "developments"

My OCD side requires me to create a separate post from other posts even if they all describe updates. Since I graduated the N9 course, Physical Therapy Speciality, I've been essentially on "leave" for nearly a month and settling back into civilian life (as in, leaving my hair any way I want, not overheating in a uniform, and not waking up at "o'dark-30" in the morning). It's actually unnerving. I do miss a structured day, being busy in a clinic, getting paid active-duty pay at about $1,500 a month, and generally keeping my mind preoccupied with all things physical therapy. Right now, I wake up late at 0800, I can actually CHOOSE to go work out, and I'm cooking/baking a lot more often, which means I'm also gaining a bit of flab. Why this concerns me, I will get to in a little bit.

Getting back on track, the new developments include several things.

• I changed my major to athletic training and have no intentions whatsoever to change it again. This means that I'll have to start at ground zero, as in 4 more years of undergrad, but I see this as something I will be doing in five, ten years down the road because it leads into the next "development"...
• I think I have found my niche in the world of physical therapy. I love it. I want to get into Army-Baylor's Doctorate in Physical Therapy program. I want to become a physical therapist.
• I got promoted to E-4 Specialist, and I'm looking at E-5 Sergeant already. Doesn't hurt to shoot for the next goal early on, does it? The earliest I can promote is after 4 months since my last promotion (which was 2 May), and 18 months TIS, time in service (which was back in July). I just need promotion points. All this is considered the "secondary zone" comprised of exceptional performers.
• I am running more often, maybe with a bit more wisdom than pre-Army life, but I am quite slow with a test pace of 8 minute miles and a comfortable pace of 10 minute miles (which is considered sad to the gung-ho soldier).
• And I might as well declare my goal of running 100 miles.

Why this insane idea? Well, 1) I do want to maintain Army fitness standards and as an NCO I must lead by example, 2) as a physical therapy tech and an athletic training major it shouldn't be a surprise, and 3) I never see "bulky" female military physical therapists. Yes, call me shallow, but it does concern me if I ever have to worry about weighing in for entrance qualifications. Oh, and 4) I am not a natural runner, but I would love to take a stab at that "runners' high" and apparent addiction one gets when they can go distances and not feel like dying. The flab comment earlier relates to having too much additional weight while running- just think of those knees! Do I think running will transform this stocky island girl into a slim, PT machine? Not really. I just really want to not feel like dying everytime I need to up my pace on the run, increase my metabolism, and decrease my BF%. Because currently, quite frankly, I just suck.

Re: The final countdown

See: The final countdown post
Dangit. I should've done my "after" post when I actually finished training, which was nearly a month ago. Oh well, here are the very current stats:

Before: LAZY ASS. 118.6 lbs, 25% body fat. Little to no knowledge of physical therapy. (I weighed in at 116 lbs at MEPS!)

After: Lazy-ass-that-can-run-somewhat. 130lbs, 23.5% body fat percentage? 9 months worth of knowledge in physical therapy.

(The Tanita body composition scale I used gave me an "athlete" and "adult" mode, which reported 21% and 26% body fat respectively, hence the 23.5%. I don't know if I truly qualify as an athlete - yes, I know I run more and I actually do minimal weight lifting but that does not in any way tell me what my true BF% is! I consider myself midway between athlete and "adult" for that Tanita scale, hence the given percentage.)

...

Still alive.

Relevance

Been writing about anything else but New Zealand and I think I'll come back to it for a bit. I was hungry for some new tunes or something I hadn't listened to for awhile and I came across Brooke Fraser again. From what I know of her, I really respect her and her work- she's not only a musician for music but she really uses her influence and talent to help others. She's both prolific in sound and action, having gone to Africa to not just visit but to become changed as a person and to give a part of herself to those in need. I'm glad I haven't heard of her in gossip tabloids or anything like such. She's very humble.

It makes me think how stagnant I've been as a lay Catholic living in today's world. I wish to give to the world or somebody. Hopefully I will become a good medic or doctor and be able to attend humanitarian missions. That's my dream if I become an officer, to be able to use my influence and skills and distribute what are actions of God's love.